Thoughts on My Last Night in Mom's House

This is weird.  I don’t like being here without mom.  I don’t like coming in the front door, and not seeing her greet me.  I don’t like looking around and seeing the house where she thought she would one day have grandchildren roaming around on weekends – only for her to not be here or see that lived out.  I don’t like the house being bare.  Dec 2, 2010

Tomorrow morning, Dec 8, 2010, a new family will call this place home.  I have mixed emotions about that.  I'm grateful for the Lord's provision: for us, a quick sell (the house was only on MLS one day and we received two offers), no more mortgage payments, no more utility bills.  No more checking on the house/keeping up with it.  A huge weight has been lifted from our shoulders.  For the new family, a great house, wonderful neighbors (who really care about each other), a place to live their life.  

I'm sad.  We signed the documents  on Dec 7, 2010, mom's 57th birthday.  Upon getting back into town, we went to see her for her birthday, only to find out she had been crying earlier in the morning for no apparent reason.  The caregivers think it is because she knows it is her birthday...I can't help but wonder if it is because she somehow knows that we have sold her house and the seller side of the documents were signed.  

I don't think I feel like I am betraying her anymore.  I think now, I am just relieved and sad.  Sad that my mom does not own a home anymore.  Sad that this is further confirmation that this path is hard and devastating.  Sad to not have a "home" to go to anymore.  Sad to leave my hometown (but grateful at the same time.)  Mostly sad to lose my mom.