numbness

This really is more difficult than I ever thought it would be...not just blogging, but also, and more so just going through this whole process w/mom. To get down to the truth of the matter, I've never hurt so much before. I don't know how to deal w/this. I'm so thankful that my sister and I live together during this time. It makes it easier to know there is someone who lives under the same roof who knows how bad this hurts and go through the same emotions together. I just hurt so much and every step is so hard. Sister and I were talking tonight and we both feel/do the same things...as soon as we get to a point where we need to move forward, we both just freeze and hesitate before moving. We are going to set up her room this coming Friday...I dread that day so much.
We got to spend Easter weekend w/our aunt and mom and we all had lunch w/our grandmother. Its so hard to see mom like this...its hard b/c she is clueless in some aspects, but you can also tell in some ways that she knows that something is not right. Its hard to be in a conversation w/her and realize the whole time that she can't keep up with the conversation. Its hard to watch her not be able to write her own signature...or initials. The whole situation is so heartbreaking. All of it just makes me feel so stuck and so numb...I don't know what to do. Its hard to focus on anything.
So that's where I'm at in all of this...if that makes any sense...