Labor Day Weekend was a lot of labor this year and very little rest. Shannon and I have finally decided that the burden of having mom's house (financial and physical) is too much and we are ready to tackle this part. Well, I dont think you are ever fully ready to go through your mom's old life that she is no longer living, but we decided that it was time to take steps in that direction. So, she, our aunt and I went back to mom's house this weekend. It was surreal. She really does not live there anymore. Her stuff is there, but she is not. We went to her old haven to start to pack it up and clean it out. It was hard...real hard. Hard to see her favorite place without her in it. No cable, no tv, no computer, and now, no living room furniture. Difficult to see her kitchen with her new, amazing cabinets that she had redone right before she got sick. By amazing, I mean plenty of storage, open the cabinet and there are deep drawers to pull out and get exactly what you need without knocking everything else over. Decorative roosters permeate the kitchen - so much to the point that they overflow into the breakfast and living rooms. I could go on forever about the individual rooms.
We divided up the salt and pepper shakers that she collected and boxed them up. Well, at least the ones we could find. I kept finding myself thinking "I wish she were here, still living her life." Then, realizing that is not happening any time soon, it went on to a thought of "I wish she were here so she could tell me where everything is." By the end of the weekend, we emptied most of her china cabinet/hutch, the breakfast room hutch, a lot of her financial statements and checkbooks of the past (she had this area orgaized.), we went through her bedroom dressers and emptied most of the contents of those, and got to her bedroom closet and went through everything except for her shoes. Oh, and my aunt also went through mom's bathroom and got rid of a lot...and Shan went through her bedroom closet and dressers. Most of the patio furniture came to my house today.
It was hard to be there and pack up her stuff. Its more difficult to come back and see her stuff in my house. But I also dont want to give it up. It is initially frustrating and upsets me to see it, then it just hurts really badly to see it. I went through this when I got her living room set back in December...it will take a while...but initially its the worst feeling ever. I guess for me the pain of watching mom suffer and knowing that she is not going to recover just hurts so badly - seeing her stuff is just a reminder of what is. That she is no longer working in Wichita Falls, living in her house. We don't call each other any more. She doesnt come over and decorate my house now. She can't really talk to me anymore. She tries sometimes...but the words just don't come...but even that has gotten worse to where she doesnt really try all that much anymore.
