It was December 25, 2006, after all the Christmas festivities. Mom and grandma had come to mine & Shannon's apartment for the holiday. Mom & I got along exceptionally well the whole weekend. Since I graduated high school and moved out, we usually got along pretty well, but this weekend was just different. We clicked in a way that we really never had clicked before. I think we bonded through planning the meals and weekend together, shopping for the ingredients and then cooking all weekend together. On Christmas morning, we all slept in, then mom and I cooked breakfast and then we all sat around the living room, opened gifts, watched movies and did much of nothing. Evening came and we continued to eat and lay around and watch tv. I had to work the next morning but I really enjoyed this weekend - it was a precious weekend - one of those where you knew it at the time - so you just cherish it. Anyway, I stayed up later than normal, because I knew that I wouldn't get to spend much time with mom after today. Mom & I stayed up watching tv together. I remember laying with my head on her chest while on the couch. We were laughing at late night television together. I could hear her heart beating and I just knew it was a sacred moment. I heard the still small voice tell me to drink in these moments very slowly and very deeply. That this moment wouldnt last forever and that she would soon go back home. She was usually very depressed but this Christmas weekend she was not. We laughed a lot, shopped, ate...a lot, cooked together and truly enjoyed each others company. Laying together watching tv and bonding seemed the perfect way for the weekend to end. I remember listening to the rhythmic flow of her heart beating. I remember listening to the voice that told me to cherish it, that wouldnt let me pull away from her - knowing that things would not always be like this. In a small but weird way that I've never wanted to admit and I am scared admitting it now, but even that night like that again. Like this may very well be the end kind of way. It was scary to feel that way - but I think I just shrugged it off - like the I'm being crazy...but if I'm not then I'm so thankful that God made me aware in the moment of just how special that moment was.
Mom is still physically alive today...but she is very different. She is easily confused, can't get all of her words out, convey how she feels or what she is thinking. I often remember this moment. It was not the last Christmas that she was lucid...but it was one of the last.
As for now...I just miss her...real bad lately...
